I was born Dec 28, 1982. My life started out bad and continued to get worse as the years pasted. As a young child, I lived with my mom, grandma, two sisters, and random guys my mom dated. My mom boyfriends could get a little rough and my mom just didn’t know how to take care of us. My sisters and I were taken away from her, when I was 4, for being malnourished and neglected and put into a foster home. All three of us were adopted about a month before I turned 5. I though my life would get better with my new parents but as the years progressed it got worse and worse. I suffered through physical abuse, (spanking me with hands, belts, even a board and getting slapped) and mental abuse. My parents often belittled me. They often told me I was nothing. I couldn’t keep friends because I was always in trouble. Even girls who lived on the same street as me stopped trying to be my friend, because they never go to see me.
By the middle of my 3rd grade year I just stopped caring. With my parents belittling me and my classmates laughing at me and taunting me and without a friend for support, I just couldn’t take it anymore. I stopped doing my homework, I stopped paying attention, and I failed tests, and acted out. I probably had more detentions then anyone in the school and my school went K-9. The physical and mental abuse continued.
I remember this one summer, I was 11 or 12, I had stolen something. I agree I should have been punished but not how my parents punished me. I was locked in my room with nothing but a desk and chair. I wasn’t even aloud to wear clothes. I sat day after day for almost the entire summer in my underwear writing over and over again “I will not steal”. At nights I slept on the floor. One night I begged for a blanket and was told to shut up. I was only aloud out of my room to use the bathroom and shower. Although I had to resort to peeing down the heater vent sometimes, and using a piece of paper and putting my poop outside on the window sill. When my parents realized I got into even more trouble.
Another time I was being punished for something I hadn’t even done. As so often happens in all families the wrong siblings go blamed. I was told to sit in the middle of the hardwood floor and not to move. I sat there for a good 8 hours before they let me get up.
Even simple things like trying to do my homework, when I did it, cause my parents’ anger. When I was learning fractions for the first time I was having troubles so I asked my mom for help. She got so upset trying to help me she slapped me causing my nose to bleed. When I started crying she ripped up my math homework. I turned it in the next day taped up. The abuse I got at school was awful also. Many days I’d come home crying because I just couldn’t take the insults and names.
I got more and more depressed as the years went. The physical and mental abuse continued. When I was about 14 my mom slapped me and I slapped her back. The physical abuse lessened and stopped but the mental abuse got worse. I was told I was ugly, fat, stupid, would never amount to anything by both my parents and classmates. If was around this age I stopped caring about myself. I stopped brushing my teeth, showered only 2x a week, and wore wrinkled, dirty clothes. I figured how could everyone be wrong.
At the age of 15 I found out that my dad had been spying on me, and sued to spy on my sisters (they had both moved out at this time). Our house was strange and all the doors had windows above them, even the bathroom door. I lived out the last few years of my life with my parents constantly hearing how worthless I was and in fear that my dads perversion would get worse. I hated even changing when he was home. I tried to take showers when he wasn’t. I had trouble falling asleep at night wondering if my dad was looking through the window in my room. Even to this day I feel weird around my dad because of this.
When I reached the 10th grade I decided I didn’t want to turn out like my sisters. Both were single mothers who dated men who abused them physically and mentally. Don’t get me wrong I love my sisters to death but they were losers. (They have both turned their lives around recently) I started trying in school and kept out of trouble. I still suffered from depression and non-existent self-esteem but I managed to graduate in 2001.
I started in Fall of 2001 at West Virginia University, my hometown university. I suffered my first year in college mostly due to depression. This one time I was on the bus heading to work after classes and the bus stopped where I work, I stayed on. I rode the bus around for hours passing my work a few times and then went and stayed in my dorm room for the next couple of weeks. After this serious spout of depression I decided enough was enough. My parents had already ruined my childhood/teen years. I wasn’t going to let the memories and fears and doubt ruin my future. I had to take control.
Since I had made it to college, I knew I wasn’t stupid. A few great girls (Jessi and Michelle) on my dorm floor helped me realize that I was a person and my thoughts and feelings mattered. The long healing process had started. Once I obtained a little self worth it was up hill from there. It took months but when I was around 20 I started to care about myself again. I started brushing my teeth and hair, showing often, wearing clean clothes, all the things most people do anyways. My life and attitude have improved every day since.
I have since left my hometown and am currently living with my boyfriend of 2 years. I am a little over weight, I am not drop dead gorgeous, I am cute though, and I have dealt with my past and overcome my depression. I love who I am 99%. The 1% I don’t love is my teeth,
Due to years of neglect my teeth are in major need of repair. I work full time, sometimes overtime, as a Shift Manager at a major pizza company but only manage to survive. My boyfriend and I have talked about marriage but I want a pretty smile before I get married. I went for an estimate 3,000 dollars. 3,000 dollars doesn’t seem like to much money but when I only earn 9,000 a year tops it’s a huge amount. My rent/unities are 6,000 a year, leaving less then 250 for food and other things each month. Every month that passes even though I brush my teeth regularly now, they get worse and worse. This is he first time in my life I’ve had a reason to smile and I can’t because of my broken teeth. I want to love myself 100% Please help me.
